Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize