We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
