This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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