just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
