I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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