she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
