In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
