If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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