just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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