Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
