Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
