Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize