does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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