If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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