I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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