everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
