Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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