well I can't set my house on fire every night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
