I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
