bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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