If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
nutella sex= disaster
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
