if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
