When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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