Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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