this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
