For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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