I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
