This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The beer is more important than you right now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
