im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
