My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
