I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize