I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have aggressive nipples.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
