the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
