no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
