Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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