Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Of course I have a pirate flag
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Randomize
