i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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