I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
