I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
