Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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