Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
