We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
