I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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