God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
