Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
