Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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