Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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