I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i will never coherently bang her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
