the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
