she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
