whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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