So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
