Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
