She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
