and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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