STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
