It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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