dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
