I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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