a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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