used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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