MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
