physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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