I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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