Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
